Are you stressed out or depressed? Check this list out and see...

Are you stressed or depressed?

Let's talk about symptoms of depression.   Some of you reading this may be surprised. One stereotype I have heard many times is depressed people want to kill themselves. So if I don't want to kill myself, then I am not depressed, right?  Let's go thru this checklist and see how many items you may be able to say yes to.   This list comes from the National Institute of Mental Health. http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/depression-easy-to-read/index.shtml

What is depression?

Everyone feels sad sometimes, but these feelings usually pass after a few days. When you have depression, you have trouble with daily life for weeks at a time. Depression is a serious illness that needs treatment.

What are the signs and symptoms of depression?

Different people have different symptoms. Some symptoms of depression include:

• Feeling sad or "empty"
• Feeling hopeless, irritable, anxious, or guilty
• Loss of interest in favorite activities
• Feeling very tired
• Not being able to concentrate or remember details
• Not being able to sleep, or sleeping too much
• Overeating, or not wanting to eat at all
• Thoughts of suicide, suicide attempts
• Aches or pains, headaches, cramps, or digestive problems.

I firmly believe that not everyone who is depressed feels sad, or has thoughts of suicide.  But look at the rest of the list!  When, as a parent, have you not felt irritable, tired, unable to concentrate, not able to sleep, loss of appetite, or aches and pains?  Sounds like the flu right? Or the first few months after a child is born, right?

What caught my attention was when I couldn't seem to shake it.  It's like a cold that just won't go away. Another symptom I have experienced is loss of short term memory.   I have noticed lately that it's harder to remember small things in conversations than it was before.  I wrote it off to being exhausted. We have had a busy year. I was laid off, got a new job, moved, and my children are all adjusting to a new house, new schools, and a new life.  Not easy.  But it just hasn't gone away.  That's a sign.

Here are a few more:
Reacting more emotionally than logically
Reactions are a bit more extreme
Feeling less willing to communicate or explain yourself
Feeling like you want to escape, and more often
Seem to get overwhelmed faster than before

Stressed out is not depressed, but it leads to it

Some may say that this entire list sounds like the person is simply stressed out, and understandably so.   It sounds like a lot of "life events" have occurred and it should all pass.  I think that is the key difference. When you are depressed, it just doesn't seem to pass. Have you ever felt like it was a bad month, or a bad year? Maybe you were stressed out just a bit too long?

The number one cure for depression and stress is exercise. It's a new year. Whether you are stressed or depressed, let's just get out there and address it!

It's time to talk about the D word...Depression

One of the largest plagues affecting society is depression. It's insidious because it's nearly invisible. It's invisible because many who are affected by it are shamed by it. In most people's eyes it makes you less, including the victims. It's also invisible because, like other mental illness, a person facing depression looks fine.  They usually have two arms, two legs, and hair.  There is no wristband or colored ribbon campaign to distinguish it and make it popular. Many employers actually inadvertently discriminate against a person once they state they have depression.  Many spouses I have talked to do not know how to support their spouse with depression, which can lead to the other D word....divorce. The purpose of this blog is to end the silence, begin the awareness, and provide the tools people need to cope and heal.

Depression Myths

It's time to debunk some myths. This is critical to proper awareness, and steps towards getting help as a spouse or friend and healing as a person diagnosed with depression.

Myth 1: People choose to get depressed.

This could not be farther from the truth. Depression comes in many forms.  Some forms of depression are genetic. Several forms of depression are the result of a chemical imbalance, or a hormone imbalance due to pregnancy, menopause, or another disease affecting your chemical makeup.

The form of depression I face is the result of  years of stress adding up, resulting in what I call onset depression.  For the past 9 years I have supported a spouse with depression, a career, the pregnancy and birth of four beautiful but stressful children, and health issues of my own.  Your body is like a car.  If you don't take care of it, maintain it, and give it gas, it will break down.  Some may argue that if I didn't choose to take care of myself  then I choose to have depression. That's like saying if I choose to drive a car then I choose to get in a wreck. That's absurd. Our choices do create risks. If you eat a donut every morning, you might gain weight. You might get a heart condition.  It might kill you!  But no one wakes up one morning and says "I think I will go get depressed today!"  Like diabetes, depression comes in many types and affects both the healthy and unhealthy.

Myth 2:  If you or someone you know is depressed, there is nothing you can do about it.

This is a flat lie. Depression can be treated. But also like diabetes, addressing depression is a life changer.  You don't just take a happy pill and it all goes away. Treatment includes education, communication, exercise, and in some cases medication.  Exercise is the number 1 method for managing depression.  I also highly recommend counseling. Mental health professionals can give you the tools to cope.  When your car breaks down, you can try and fix it yourself, but your better off consulting a mechanic. When you're sick you need a doctor. When you have depression, you need a counselor. It's that simple. 

In the coming blogs I will be discussing depression, from both the depressed person and the person living with them.

In the meantime, WikiHow has great information on depression here:  m.wikihow.com/Cope-with-Depression

1G Turn and quick landing in a Black Hawk

So disaster season is in full swing. Many of you know I work for the government and get deployed to disasters.

So it's the summer of 2008 and Hurricane Gustav arrives. It totally looks like another Katrina. So I get nervous. I'm thinking that I am going to get deployed. After I came back from Katrina I have tried to entrench myself into programs that would keep me home. Of course when a disaster is big enough, it does not matter what you normally do. Big disasters require "All Hands on Deck" and on-the-job training begins in whatever positions are needed. There developed a need for a small team to perform damage assessments for Gustav to determine whether or not there was enough damage to justify a disaster declaration. I was tapped for the team, as there was basically nobody left. I agreed.

South Louisiana had enough power loss that the airport was closed and there seemed to be no rental cars. My coworkers and I drove in, waiting in line with the rest of the state at the gas pumps along the way. When I finally arrived in Baton Rouge I was sleeping on a cot in my section's conference room and eating MRE's for lunch and dinner.

If you haven't ate an MRE lately you should try them. There are several flavors that people trade like baseball cards. The sides are good trading commodities too, like a strawberry shake, or squeezable cheese, or cookies, or jerky. And they all come with a pretty cool "just add water" chemical reaction steam heater that will heat your meal or boil your cocoa water in minutes. These things are great for a 72 hour kit.

The only down side to an MRE is the meal stays with you...for DAYS. Each meal has about 3000 calories, suitable for getting you by in the worst survival situations. The first few meals tasted pretty good and seemed to sit well in my stomach. A day later I was regretting ever touching one. I had a stomach ache to match my headache.

So after a few days I realized that I was on standby for looking at damage until the local officials could organize enough to take me and the state on a tour of their damage. We had enough team members that I was not being used, and I was getting bored. The only thing worse than being away from home against your will is being BORED while doing it. So I took matters into my own hands. Our team was assigned to look at areas lightly touched by the storm to see if they qualified for assistance, and to skip the heavily damaged areas. Since I was bored I decided that instead of waiting around we would go see the heavily damaged areas instead. We divided the team, gathered our equipment, and headed out on our own.

Since it was my idea I picked ground zero to go visit, where Gustav made landfall. My friend Darrin and I had our GPS, notepad, extra gas can, MRE's, and a digital camera. We drove and SUV to get through mud and flood. The trip was amazing as we began to see where areas were affected. First there were trees down. The further south we drove there was less power. Then we saw damage. Gas station pavilions were shredded. Glass was broken. Power lines were all over the streets. When we got close to Houma we saw power poles knocked over. Trees were uprooted. Homes were splintered. We began to see evidence of flooding.

One of my responsibilities is to record how high the water was at it's peak, how far inland the surge came, and if there were any levee breaches. We also took pictures of anything else that we though other programs might find interesting. We drove by the public airport because we thought another program would want to know if it was too damaged to be operating. Just as we pulled up we saw a black hawk helicopter landing. I looked at Darrin and smiled. We met the crew and asked what they had seen. The Major said if we wanted a ride to head over to the Houma Emergency Operations Center and ask. So we took a few pictures of hangar damage and headed to the EOC.

When we arrived we introduced ourselves to the Emergency Manager, who happened to also be in a meeting with the Federal Coordinating Officer. They asked what we found and if we needed anything. We reported a few things, shook hands, and headed out of the office. And in the hall there was an announcement that a black hawk would be arriving at 2:45 and had empty seats. Darrin and I locked eyes. All I said was "Well?". His response was a smile back and "YES!". We got our names on the list, told them our weight, I made a copy of the maps I had with levee information, and we waited for the bird to arrive.

An Air Guard Sergeant told us to follow him and instructed me to hand my map to the pilot when the aircraft landed. We walked around the building to the baseball diamond and were told to cover our eyes. He radioed, looked in the air, and thats when i saw it. A few minutes later I was feeling the rotors of a running helicopter and was about to take my first ride ever. At this point I was really wishing I had not ate an MRE for lunch.

The pilot got out and I walked toward him with my map out in front of me. He gave me a thumbs up and headed inside the EOC. We boarded the helicopter and I got one of the front seats with an earphone and microphone. I later found out our pilot's name was Matt from Tennessee, who also happened to be a Major in the Air guard. Matt came back and we were cleared for takeoff.

I was surprised how smooth this helicopter flew. It was like being on a windy ferris wheel. The helicopter makes some noise of course, but the wind in your face is deafening when the doors are open. We had a full helicopter and we flew around the area for about 30 minutes and landed. It was a smooth ride, and I complimented the pilot. But I hadn't seen a single levee. Matt told his crew chief that there would be a 30 minute lunch, and everyone not on the "FEMA mission" needed to get off. The "FEMA mission" would start at 1600hrs. I grabbed Darrin and told him I think we are going back up.

And I was right. We went UP! Matt kicked everyone else off the helicopter except a state senator and his staffer. He told us the mission would take four hours and he would have to refuel. I asked if he was joking. Four hours! Are you serious?! The state senator wanted to see all the barrier islands, and we would see our levees on the way back. "Darrin?" I asked. He said "Sure!". The Sergeant and another airmen got on to distribute the weight. And off we went. We saw all the barrier reef islands. It was amazing! We saw turtles, dolphins, an otter, pelicans, and oil equipment everywhere. But after a couple hours of sightseeing it was getting dark and I needed to see my levees. We stopped to refuel and I told Matt what I needed. The Senator said he wanted to get back for a meeting. Matt asked what i wanted to do. I told Matt to do whatever he wants. Matt told Darrin and I he didn't particularly care what that Senator wanted and asked if I still needed to see the levees. I did.

To save time Matt had the doors closed and we were hauling copter at almost 150 knots. We arrived near some levees and saw serious flooding. I needed pictures, but I had no microphone. I tapped the crew chief and pointed down. He spoke into his microphone and all the sudden we were banking hard! Imagine what it feels like pulling the parking break in mid air and fishtailing...it was awesome! So I got some pictures and we found another levee. The problem is the best pictures were on the other side of the helicopter. I tap the crew chief again and moments later we are going down. All I can see is a small levee the width of a car and water surrounding it. the next thing I know we were on land and I was told to get out. I thought I was in trouble! We saw fish washed up and the crew chief held one up. The smell wafted into the black hawk and we all gagged. It was huge! It turns out they wanted me to move to the other side of the copter.

So I am sitting in the back of the copter this time and had no microphone. When I saw a huge break I tapped the sergeant in back with me and pointed down. He tapped the head of his airman in front and yelled something and pointed. We were passing the levees. I tapped Darrin's head in front of me and pointed at the senator's headset and then waved something like "give it to me!" The staffer handed over the mic and I told Matt I need to see that break. All I heard was "turning in three...two...one..." and then we banked into a 1G turn that had all the airmen yelling and smiling. I was puckering in my seat. It was better than any roller coaster turn. We got our pictures and headed to base.

A little later I talked with the Sergeant, told him it was my first helicopter flight, and asked how it rated. He told me "I have been on a black hawk maybe 250 times and that was the best ride I have ever had. That guy was crazy!" Apparently flights are lot more planned and boring.

We grabbed a bite to eat and I mentioned that I had been eating MREs for a few days. A nearby airman told me to "Make sure you chew the gum. It's the only laxative and those things will stop you up for days". I said "good to know..." Another great laxitive is a 1G turn and quick landing in a black hawk....

July 4th Weekend - Lots of running

Hi all,

I wanted to give you an update on the Holiday weekend. The family and I went down to Houston for the weekend since I had Thursday thru Sunday off. We packed our bags, left the house in shambles, and headed South at 6:30am.

On the way down we stopped in Huntsville and had lunch at Chili's with one of Brenda's old missionary companions, Marcie Toole and family. We were able to visit with her husband and new baby boy. After seeing a one month old I realize now how HUGE my kids are.

While we were waiting for Marcie we stopped into a Home Depot to buy some cabinet hinges for my Mom. All I can say is I think we saw every aisle in the store because we thought it would be a good idea to let our three year old stretch his legs. We got a break when we drifted by the lawnmower section because David mows the lawn with me and wanted to try out the new electric lawnmower. He sweeps, washes dishes, loads and unloads the dishwasher, vacuums, and sets the table too.

We were excited to see all the improvements in Nana and Grump's house. There are new laminate floors, tile in the kitchen and downstairs bathroom, new counter tops, a new back splash, and progress towards a bunch of other projects. We'll update the site here with pictures. I spent a little time hanging cabinet doors with James.

Later that night we went to the Cynthia Woods Mitchell Pavilion and listened to the Houston Symphony Orchestra play patriotic songs. We had lawn seats and David would do some kind of impressionistic modern dance to the songs. It was hilarious, until he ran. He was in time out three times before the night was over.

On Friday we had a family meeting. People who know our family know that these meetings can result in drama just short of bloodshed. We talked about the happy subject of funeral arrangements. How fun! Now for those of you who haven't planned you estate, this is no laughing matter. Even if your spouse survives the paperwork has to be filed. If you live in Texas go to and click on consumer. There you will find forms for everything you will need in the event of the loss of a loved one.

Later that night we went to see fireworks in the Woodlands and played some chicken foot at Jon and Jocelyn's.

Saturday we headed over to Andrew and Maxie's for a Fourth of July parade. The parade consisted of all the neighborhood children on bikes riding behind the Precinct 4 Constables on 4-wheelers and in their police cars. We thought the kids would love it! Well, THEY did. Because all our kids didn't have bikes we put a few in a wagon. I drove the wagon. I ended up RUNNING to keep up with all the bikes for four blocks with sirens wailing in my ears. I was sweating. In the end the officers gave us each a nice junior badge and we have great pictures of David riding one of the police 4-wheelers.

We decided to go to the local park and pool to go for a swim. David was very excited. In fact, he decided to go out the front door and head into the street he was so excited. After I caught him I told him to wait for everyone else to get their suits on and we would all go together. He whined but gave in. We finally head over and we notice that off in the distance there are a few storm clouds, but no big deal. We only wanted to stay for an hour. As soon as we get to the pool David jumps into the kiddie pool and decides he would rather go to the big pool. I get in with my Dad who hasn't been swimming in years. As soon as we get in the lifeguard whistles for adult swim. That was the longest 10 minutes of David's life. He just could not understand why Dada could swim with Grumps and Uncle Andrew and he couldn't. He was MAD and UPSET. He cried the whole time. There were two slides into the pool that Andrew and I used and David was beside himself. I told him he could come in in just a few minutes. Well, all of the sudden those rain clods seemed closer than I remembered. The next thing I hear is thunder, followed by the lifeguards whistle for a "thunder" break and everyone had to get out of the pool. David was out of control. He had waited so patiently and was sooo sad that he could not get into the pool. So to make a long story short, I RAN him across the street, back to the house, upstairs to the bathtub, and we made a mess playing with toys together because David was going to get in some kind of pool, one way or another.

Later that evening we went over to Nana and Grumps house and watched Harry Potter 5.

Sunday morning rolled around and we met the family at church. Wendy decided it was her turn to be energetic and we spent most of Sunday school and the last hour RUNNING around and looking at pictures on the wall. One painting in particular has a lamb sitting by a lion, and by the end of church she could say "lam" and kitty ka".

We had a nice lunch at Andrew and Maxie's, dropped by Jon and Jocelyn's to say goodbye, saw Scott Ricker in the parking lot, and headed home. That's when Maxie called and let us know we left the pack-n-play at her house.

All in all it was a good weekend. Until the next fourth...

The story behind the title...

Several years ago (over four to be exact) I was engaged to a very attractive young lady. We decided early on in our engagement that we would do our best to be "good" before we were married. One night we were talking and according to my version of the story I decided that I wanted to make sure that after we were officially married that there would be plenty of time to be alone with my wife without the interruptions of little feet coming into the bedroom. Every couple needs alone time for a healthy marriage, and everyone who knows me KNOWS I like to be healthy. So as I recall my bride laughed at me and said in essence "good luck" and don't be surprised if I don't get my way on that. Now I have tell you another story to finish this one...

When I was growing up I was the second of four boys. We were typical boys who liked to rough house. Occasionally, like on my 12th birthday, I MIGHT have been in the hospital getting a splint due to a minor altercation between me and the oldest...(his fault :) ). Anyway, over the years there were several times that due to some good clean fun like throwing rocks at each other's heads that one of us was bleeding. Now my Mom was your typical Mom in many ways, but she was no Leave it to Beaver June Cleaver. She was a working Mom at the local hospital that didn't like being woke up to me bleeding like I was scalped and needing seven stitches because I thought I missed that last rock. I really thought I did miss it too. I was more upset I got hit than the fact I was bleeding. Well my Mom was not very happy. She was very efficient about dipping my head in the bathroom sink, rushing me to the doctor, and doling out punishment. She also coined the phrase "DON'T BLEED ON MY CARPET!" So we in the clan affectionately refer to the first motherly instinct of dealing with mortal peril as "don't bleed on my carpet". Who cares that your dying, just get off the carpet! Some other time I'll have to tell you about "You PUKE, you CLEAN IT YOURSELF". So back to my story...

So as I was laying there with my bride-to-be talking about the kids that would eventually be interrupting my healthy time and I told her the story of "DON'T BLEED ON MY CARPET". I have traveled many times with work, including during our engagement. Shortly after we were married I was deployed for 8 months to Louisiana. In order to get a little privacy the best thing to do in a hotel is to hang the sign on the door that says "DO NOT DISTURB". Well as I was thinking about my healthy time I decided that the sign was a great idea but the message wasn't strong enough, and in the spirit of "DON'T BLEED ON MY CARPET" I coined the phrase "DON'T KNOCK UNLESS YOU'RE DYING!". When it comes to precious alone time with my wife, I don't even care about the carpet.

So far we have been married four years and we have two children, ages three and one. Our three year old is now old enough that he wakes up about eight o'clock in the morning, comes through our door, and climbs into bed with us. Last night I was diligent in helping him learn his ABC's by reading to him the Thomas the Tank Engine ABC Book. He is doing great. Little does he know that I secretly want him to be able to read early because I want him to be able to read my SIGN when I hang it.....